The Shower

The shower is one of the greatest places in all the Earth. Seriously. It is awe inspiring.

At times, I feel like I could spend a full hour just standing there... soaking in hot water... I'm actually zoning out just thinking about it. Usually, I shower in the morning right after I get up to go to law school or work or whatever else I have planned. At one time in my life, I used to be pretty well suited for waking up. I could literally just jump right outta bed, take a shower, get dressed, drink milk, go to school, avoid using drugs, wear huge gold necklaces, and be like Mr. T. Minus the Afro-centric genetic heritage, that is.

But such days are behind me. Far, far behind me. When I awaken now, I usually shut off the alarm and go back to sleep. Then when my cleverly set second alarm on my phone goes off, I get up and get started. By "get started", I'm talking about hobbling over to the bathroom... turning the shower on... and giving myself a long look in the mirror as I wonder: Is today really worth getting out of bed for? Bed feels good. Walking sucks.

But these base and vile sleep-temptations always lose out to the divine bliss that is The Shower. That warm showery mist hits me in the side of the face, and I know that dreamland is a thing of the past. Because honestly... how can your bed compete with the coziness and cleanliness that comes from getting naked and sprayed with hot water?

You know it can't, so don't even fucking say it can. Because that would be a lie. And people who lie to themselves while reading blogs are like people who cheat at chess while playin alone. Oh yeah. THINK ABOUT IT.

I even do most of my thinking while in the shower. Some people prefer the isolation of the toilet to plan out their week or consider important issues, but call me crazy, I like the company of a billion waterdrops as I ponder... self-analyze... and investigate the bountiful mystery that is life.

And no, I don't do all of that thinking because I just cranked one out. You people and your masturbation thinking. It disgusts me. BUT since you brought it up (pervert), I might as well comment on the fact that men can get a lot of good thinking done right after a round of punching the munchkin. It feels like the floodgates to the universe open and angels are trying to jam every piece of knowledge into your head at once. Hell, it's the reason why "pillow talk" exists, ladies. We just have a billion things on our minds now that sex is outta the way, and you're the nearest person to us. No offense, I'm sure your man was looking forward to talking with you, but with thoughts of breasts and obscure positions gone from his mind (well, at least pushed to the back), you gain his undivided attention.

Unless he's one of those guys who decides it's nap time right after the whole sha-bang is over. Oh yeah, but anyway, the shower is really great. Damn, this was one random as hell post. Until next time...