"Cole is very brilliant man, but he gets so wrapped up in language and what things mean. If you put a glass of milk in front of the guy, he probably wouldn't even know what it was. (now imitating Cole) Oh... it feels like milk and smells like milk... but perhaps my senses are inaccurate!"
Hahaha! I was laughing my ass off (or LMAO to you cyber junkies) at that one. Haven't had Cole, but I have heard that he can make comments like that about language.
Language can be a tricky thing sometimes though. Often, I by-pass the complexities and use the infamous middle finger to relay thoughts and emotions in a non-verbal way. Now you might be asking yourself, "Why the hell does Comedy Central never air reruns to the Wayne Brady episode of Chapelle Show?" But that's irrelevant. You may also be thinking, "Chris..."
To which I'd say, "Yo."
"Who are viable recipients of the middle finger?"
Well, let me start off by saying: Definitely not the Pope.
At least not just to be funny. I mean, the Pope would have to really piss me off somehow for me to do it. With other folk, I could flip them off just to laughingly be like, "Hey go fuck off." But not the Pope, nor any really old sweet people.
Old nasty people will certainly get flicked off, and shit, if they didn't want to be then they should learn how to drive. Because if I have to go into evasive maneuvers just to escape the grocery store parking lot with my fenders intact ONE MORE TIME, I swear I'm gonna give those old bastards something more than my middle finger to worry about.
And people who don't use their blinkers definitely deserve to get flipped off. Such people fall in amongst the ranks of line-cutters, parking spot stealers, and people who bring babies to movie theaters when the movie isn't even rated G.
Now it's one thing when you're ten car lengths away from anyone, and you switch lines without using a blinker. That's sloppy yet acceptable, much like a banana split where someone chopped the banana in half HORIZONTALLY instead of VERTICALLY. No... the people who deserve the middle finger are the ones who just randomly appear to be hitting their brakes. I'm slamming on mine and going, "What the in the name of Chuck Norris is going on here!?"
Oh. Turns out Jabba the Fuck in front of me is making a right turn into Blockbuster. Woulda been nice if he'd given me some warning. I mean, seeing some damn brake lights 2 seconds before he comes to a dead stop is GREAT, but geez... if only he could pull down the turn signal lever and give me... I don't know... maybe FIVE seconds of warning. Possibly six. I'm pushing it with seven, but I'll toss it out there.
And how about the grade-A jerkoffs driving down the highway with a car at 12o'clock and one at 9o'clock, and they decide, "Hey. If I drive at some fucknut super speed, I might be able to pull past these two cars DIAGONALLY!" (aka 10:30) And with no blinker, of course. Because... heh heh... why give any warning that you're about to turn my drive down I-75 into a third Fast and the Furious flick? Hell, that would ruin the surprise I get when the guy to your left decides your stunt driving is too close for comfort and barrels over into my lane to avoid your crazy ass.Now there are many other possible targets of the finger. Not all are jerks either. You may just feel like giving a friend the finger when they make a smartass reply to something you said. Hey, that's cool. It's even ok if you get hopped up on too much coffee and randomly flick off your pets. I personally wouldn't, but maybe that's just the way you roll.
Now as to giving little kids the finger, my original stance was: Go for it! Because hell, they wouldn't know what it means. But just look at the picture of that kid up above. That little kid is hardcore, and he knows EXACTLY what it means. Damn... even looks like he maybe just devoured a squirrel or house cat. Sad? Sure. Hilarious? Definitely.
