Monday, May 28, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
I Believe in a Thing Called Bucket
FYI, I reopened the comments for the last Operation: Bucket article after receiving word from my sister, the talented Jacki, that comments were somehow turned off. Weirdness.
Anywho, taking a Torts II class this summer. Should be nice in the spring semeter when I can have a lighter classload. Eddie himself is finished with this mess, but now comes his summer-long process of studying for the bar. Kinda sucks that we law students graduate from school... and then months later we have an even bigger test... the test that REALLY let's us practice law. Ah well. The graduation ceremony is pretty cool at least. Big poofy hats and getting hooded? Fantastic!
In the word of TV, all of my shows have had their season finales for the year. Heroes was especially good. That show sounds like a rip-off of X-Men at first, but it actually pulls from a lot of different comic book sources while putting a fresh spin on things. And I always love a finale that resolves the major issues for the season. Cheerleader? Saved. The world? Safe... for now. Budget for special FX? Most likely to go up due to the show's popularity, and that's awesome. The show's FX were always solid, but how much they did was always limited. I'm sure quantity will increase with the quality staying constant.
LOST also finished up for it's third season. Only three more seasons to go, according to the show's producers. CRAZY! The finale certainly had some crazy events that make it SEEM like a rescue is coming right at the beginning of next season. But certain characters seem to predict that the new rescuers might actually be a great threat. Fun stuff, and lots of badass moments. Always nice to see a series villain get absolutely beat to shit by a main character.
24? Of course it was good. They even tossed some happy endings in for side character. Unfortunately for Jack Bauer, his life continues to go down the tubes no matter how many terrorist threats he defeats. All in all, good ending to my favorite shows for this season.
Not too shabby.
Anywho, taking a Torts II class this summer. Should be nice in the spring semeter when I can have a lighter classload. Eddie himself is finished with this mess, but now comes his summer-long process of studying for the bar. Kinda sucks that we law students graduate from school... and then months later we have an even bigger test... the test that REALLY let's us practice law. Ah well. The graduation ceremony is pretty cool at least. Big poofy hats and getting hooded? Fantastic!
In the word of TV, all of my shows have had their season finales for the year. Heroes was especially good. That show sounds like a rip-off of X-Men at first, but it actually pulls from a lot of different comic book sources while putting a fresh spin on things. And I always love a finale that resolves the major issues for the season. Cheerleader? Saved. The world? Safe... for now. Budget for special FX? Most likely to go up due to the show's popularity, and that's awesome. The show's FX were always solid, but how much they did was always limited. I'm sure quantity will increase with the quality staying constant.
LOST also finished up for it's third season. Only three more seasons to go, according to the show's producers. CRAZY! The finale certainly had some crazy events that make it SEEM like a rescue is coming right at the beginning of next season. But certain characters seem to predict that the new rescuers might actually be a great threat. Fun stuff, and lots of badass moments. Always nice to see a series villain get absolutely beat to shit by a main character.
24? Of course it was good. They even tossed some happy endings in for side character. Unfortunately for Jack Bauer, his life continues to go down the tubes no matter how many terrorist threats he defeats. All in all, good ending to my favorite shows for this season.
Not too shabby.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
How Wii Bowling Set My Balls on Fire
After completing my final final over a week ago, I returned to my humble marital abode and thought to myself, "How could I best waste some time now that I don't have any classes to study for?"
Lo and behold, a ray of sunlight burst forth from my living room window and reflected off the gleaming white plastic surface of Nintendo's greatest system ever created. The Nintendo Wii. And upon seeing it, I remembered how my brother thought that HE was the best Wii boxer ever.
A match between him and me is surely in the making, so I figured now would be the time to practice. For the first 5 matches, I crushed my enemies, drove them before me, and heard the lamentations of their Wii women. Then things started to get tougher. After twenty minutes of brutal fighting, I decided that I was perfectly prepared for a showdown with Nick one day.
And then I bowled. I bowled a solo game... but no, that wasn't exciting enough. So then I did the bowling trainer exercises and found the glory that is POWER BOWLING. After each frame, the game adds an extra row of pins until eventually you have a lane with 99 glorious pins standing before you.
I played power bowling over and over again. Eventually, I was trying to throw some wicked curves, which involved me extending my right leg fully backwards while completely bending my left leg until I was almost to the floor. I did this for a fucking hour straight. It was intense.
Later on that night, my leg still felt "light" as if I'd worked out really hard. "No big deal," I foolishly thought to myself. "I was just playing a video game. How bad can this be?"
Hahaha... Really BAD!!!
The next day, I couldn't even walk right. Trying to take a normal step on my left leg brought on shooting pain through the top and sides of my thigh. By playing Wii, I had literally tore myself a new one... a new one in my thigh. FUuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh-k that hurt! Felt like someone had taken a bat to my leg while I had been sleeping.
Luckily, I have a smart, crafty, and definitely sexy wife. Kelly suggested I use some Flexall on that son of bitch to help aid the healing process. Alright, alright. Nothing sounded bad there. She rubbed the Flexall onto my left thigh... a generous helping of icy-hot goodness.
Unfortunately, the goodness went bad. I was laying on my couch when the Flexall was applied. Kelly later needed me to make a phone call for some reason. So I got up and was in the middle of leaving a message to someone when there began a... tingling.
It was as if someone opened a window to Canada right under my groin. At first, nothing to be alarmed about. Obviously when my junk (as Justin Timberlake would say) moved from getting off the couch, my maleness came in contact with some Flexall on the thigh. But very quickly, even before the message was finished, that window to Canada became an open door to the Antarctic. There were no "Happy Feet" dancing penguins where this cold came from. This cold came straight from the last circle of hell in Dante's Inferno.
Without making a sound, I closed my cellphone and began to move around in an almost dance-like rhythym that I would assume is common among people with painfully frozen genitals. Kelly caught onto what was happening quickly and suggested I shower it off. I practically dove into the bathroom and turned the shower on, yet I couldn't get my clothes off fast enough. Not fast enough to beat the second phase of Flexall.
THE HEAT.
An artists's rendering of my left testicle pre-shower.
Lo and behold, a ray of sunlight burst forth from my living room window and reflected off the gleaming white plastic surface of Nintendo's greatest system ever created. The Nintendo Wii. And upon seeing it, I remembered how my brother thought that HE was the best Wii boxer ever.
A match between him and me is surely in the making, so I figured now would be the time to practice. For the first 5 matches, I crushed my enemies, drove them before me, and heard the lamentations of their Wii women. Then things started to get tougher. After twenty minutes of brutal fighting, I decided that I was perfectly prepared for a showdown with Nick one day.
And then I bowled. I bowled a solo game... but no, that wasn't exciting enough. So then I did the bowling trainer exercises and found the glory that is POWER BOWLING. After each frame, the game adds an extra row of pins until eventually you have a lane with 99 glorious pins standing before you.
I played power bowling over and over again. Eventually, I was trying to throw some wicked curves, which involved me extending my right leg fully backwards while completely bending my left leg until I was almost to the floor. I did this for a fucking hour straight. It was intense.
Later on that night, my leg still felt "light" as if I'd worked out really hard. "No big deal," I foolishly thought to myself. "I was just playing a video game. How bad can this be?"
Hahaha... Really BAD!!!
The next day, I couldn't even walk right. Trying to take a normal step on my left leg brought on shooting pain through the top and sides of my thigh. By playing Wii, I had literally tore myself a new one... a new one in my thigh. FUuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh-k that hurt! Felt like someone had taken a bat to my leg while I had been sleeping.
Luckily, I have a smart, crafty, and definitely sexy wife. Kelly suggested I use some Flexall on that son of bitch to help aid the healing process. Alright, alright. Nothing sounded bad there. She rubbed the Flexall onto my left thigh... a generous helping of icy-hot goodness.
Unfortunately, the goodness went bad. I was laying on my couch when the Flexall was applied. Kelly later needed me to make a phone call for some reason. So I got up and was in the middle of leaving a message to someone when there began a... tingling.
It was as if someone opened a window to Canada right under my groin. At first, nothing to be alarmed about. Obviously when my junk (as Justin Timberlake would say) moved from getting off the couch, my maleness came in contact with some Flexall on the thigh. But very quickly, even before the message was finished, that window to Canada became an open door to the Antarctic. There were no "Happy Feet" dancing penguins where this cold came from. This cold came straight from the last circle of hell in Dante's Inferno.
Without making a sound, I closed my cellphone and began to move around in an almost dance-like rhythym that I would assume is common among people with painfully frozen genitals. Kelly caught onto what was happening quickly and suggested I shower it off. I practically dove into the bathroom and turned the shower on, yet I couldn't get my clothes off fast enough. Not fast enough to beat the second phase of Flexall.THE HEAT.
The situation in my groinal region switched from Dante's idea of hell to the more contemporary version. Christmas was months away, yet this Italian's chestnuts were roasting on an open fire.
An artists's rendering of my left testicle pre-shower.I doused my left leg in liquid soap like a fireman trying to tame a 4-alarm blaze. I scrubbed as no man has ever scrubbed before. Kelly laughed as no woman has ever laughed before. In the end, I walked out of my baptism of fire, water, and ice feeling like a new man. Really, I'd recommend this to anyone. It was like I went through my own tribal rite of passage. Instead of walking across hot coals or killing deer with a bow and arrow, I simply put my junk through a torturous (yet not injurious) few minutes.
Oh, and Spider-Man 3 wasn't bad either. The "corny" dancing scene was totally in-character for Parker's character. The movie just felt a bit rushed before the final battle. I give it three outta five balls- errrr, stars.
Oh, and Spider-Man 3 wasn't bad either. The "corny" dancing scene was totally in-character for Parker's character. The movie just felt a bit rushed before the final battle. I give it three outta five balls- errrr, stars.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
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