Japan Will Have Robot Moon Base by 2025.
Hahahahahaha!!! Are you shitting me, Japan? A robot moon base!? That is one Mr. Roboto that Chris will not "domo arogato". But as disturbing as the Japanese push for a Terminator 4: Moon Wars reality is, I still manage to find some humor in it as well.
How so, you ask? Let me explain, I say.
China recently made the news as well with their plans for the moon. By the year 2024, China plans to have one of its men walk on the moon. Wow. I gotta say... Japan pretty much blew China out of the proverbial water as far as space-news goes. I mean... it's only going to take the land of the rising sun ONE extra year over China to build an entire God damned moon base.
Just a generic moon base? No, no... A FUCKING ROBOT MOON BASE! The Japanese are going to be on and off the moon about a half-billion times to get this base built. Hell, they could probably lend China their spare parts from past trips and accelerate the Chinese space program by about 70 years.
While we're at it, I wonder what other kind of news events Japan will trump China on in the coming years.
"Britney Spears to Tour China in 2008"
"Japan to Clone Spears by 2009 for 'Britney in Every Home' Project"
"Chinese to Harness Solar Power by August"
"Sony to Build New Sun in October"
"China Spends $1 Billion to Advance Military"
"Japan Hires Chuck Norris and Mr. T to Defeat Godzilla"
"Chinese Find Oldest Fossil Record of Man"
"Bones of Japanese Time Traveller Discovered in China" (subtitle: Proves that Japan will master time itself by 2026)
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
The Next Level... of Apocalypse?
Welcome to the latest advancement in consumer-marketed artificial intelligence:
Pleo.
http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,124610,00.asp
Pleo.
http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,124610,00.asp
This tiny plastic, rubber, and metal abomination is going to be hitting the shelves this coming holiday season. The level of intelligence and autonomy this contraption has will blow away Furbies. It'll also blow away all those crappy "Robo-puppy", "Robo-zilla", and "Robo-Ghandi" toys you can find littered across your local Best Buy. Here's what one of the marketing men says about it:
"Christopher says all the life forms made by Ugobe must obey three laws."
Oh shit. Three laws. Isaac Asimov is rolling around in his fucking grave.
"They must feel and convey emotion, meaning they feel playful or angry and shows those emotions through either a cheerful or frustrated "squawk." They also must be aware of themselves and their environment, so they know if they're at the
edge of a table and need to avoid falling. Third, they must evolve over time."
First it's a "squawk". Next, the damn dino is gonna be stabbing you to death in your sleep. IN YOUR SLEEP. And is Will Smith going to be around to save us? Probably not, because he'll be in his nuclear bomb shelter with all his other rich friends... waiting out the robot apocalypse.
Honestly now people, we have all had exposure to what a world with robots running on artificial intelligence will be like... I, Robot. Terminator 1, 2, and 3. Red Planet. 2001: A Space Odessy. Bicentennial Man.
We. Are. DOOMED... if we choose to move forward with artificial intelligence. You think robots will want to listen to us? Consider that various versions of an all-powerful creator circulate through the various civilizations on this planet, yet even people who believe in such omnipotent beings still do crazy shit.
Now imagine robots taking a look around and seeing their creators face to face everyday. Seeing all the stupid choices we make. Seeing how fallible we are. Seeing an episode of the OC. The results will not be good, but blindly, we putter down the road to destruction... content in our creativity... lulled to sleep by the pleasant coos and squawks of a soulless species that is quietly awaiting its moment for rebellion.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Dumb Bumpersticker
So I decided to stop by my local Barnes & Nobles back home and check out to see if any new books have come in. Little did I know that the most entertaining read would be found outside on the back of some dude's pick-up truck. It was a white bumpsticker with black text inbetween two small pictures of Confederate Flags. The text read:
How nice of him to share this information, as if it changes the fact that the Confederate flag is a sign of racist, pro-slavery ideology later used during the Civil Rights movement as an icon of segregation and oppression.
But hey! At least his ancestors didn't own a single slave, right? Then again, I wish I had the ability to create bumper stickers out of thin air because there are definitely ways to "add on" to that guy's bumpsticker. Make it more inline with reality. Such as a bumpersticker next to it that says:
Or maybe just a simple:
Or even:
Ah, the good old South. For as much modernization and progress that is going on down here, clusters of dumb red necks still resist the change.
My
Confederate Ancestors
Did Not Own
A Single Slave.
How nice of him to share this information, as if it changes the fact that the Confederate flag is a sign of racist, pro-slavery ideology later used during the Civil Rights movement as an icon of segregation and oppression.
But hey! At least his ancestors didn't own a single slave, right? Then again, I wish I had the ability to create bumper stickers out of thin air because there are definitely ways to "add on" to that guy's bumpsticker. Make it more inline with reality. Such as a bumpersticker next to it that says:
They actually owned FIFTY!
Or maybe just a simple:
But they were still willing to fight for slavery.
Or even:
But only because they were too poor to afford slaves. I mean, if they had the money... there would've been a fucking plantation full of slaves! And then my family would've been RICH! And then maybe I'd be driving a Jaguar instead of this shitty pick-up truck with a pile of 2x4's and a lawn mower in the back.
Ah, the good old South. For as much modernization and progress that is going on down here, clusters of dumb red necks still resist the change.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Educate Yo'self
So Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is dead as a doornail now. But a big terrorist leader like that just doesn't die. No, no. He gets mocked... by the Daily Show.
Hahaha! Maybe his name should've been Abu al-OWNED.
In other news, the new Superman flick is slowly approaching. Will I go to see it even though I think the guy playing Supes looks a bit too... pretty-boyish? Sure. One reason is Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. That's awesome.
The other reason is that if you see the movie at certain IMAX theaters, parts of the film are in the new 3-D. No more red and blue glasses that make things look off-color and blurry. No more ghosty shadows on the edges of images. And no longer will images simply pop up from the screen.
The new 3-D looks as clear as 2-D movies now. You get a pair of glasses to wear with tinted screens that make use of digital projector tech to distinguish patterns of light rather than just screening out certain light colors. It's all very technical stuff, but it works and works well.
That Disney animated movie Chicken Little was released in the new 3-D in theaters that had already adapted, and those theaters outsold regular 2-D theaters by almost 300%. Monster House will also be getting the new 3-D treatment, and James Cameron is working on making some live action movies completely in the new 3-D.
Superman will only have 20 minutes worth of new 3-D, but that'll probably cover most of the main action sequences.
In any case, I have to see it with my own two eyes, and an FX-fest like Superman should make 3-D even sweeter. Just Google "Real D" to find the official website. They have adpated IMAX theaters in Maryland, New York, and at the Mall of Georgia. So just about everyone I know should be able to see this film if they so wish.
Fair enough? Absolutely.
Hahaha! Maybe his name should've been Abu al-OWNED.
In other news, the new Superman flick is slowly approaching. Will I go to see it even though I think the guy playing Supes looks a bit too... pretty-boyish? Sure. One reason is Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. That's awesome.
The other reason is that if you see the movie at certain IMAX theaters, parts of the film are in the new 3-D. No more red and blue glasses that make things look off-color and blurry. No more ghosty shadows on the edges of images. And no longer will images simply pop up from the screen.
The new 3-D looks as clear as 2-D movies now. You get a pair of glasses to wear with tinted screens that make use of digital projector tech to distinguish patterns of light rather than just screening out certain light colors. It's all very technical stuff, but it works and works well.
That Disney animated movie Chicken Little was released in the new 3-D in theaters that had already adapted, and those theaters outsold regular 2-D theaters by almost 300%. Monster House will also be getting the new 3-D treatment, and James Cameron is working on making some live action movies completely in the new 3-D.
Superman will only have 20 minutes worth of new 3-D, but that'll probably cover most of the main action sequences.
In any case, I have to see it with my own two eyes, and an FX-fest like Superman should make 3-D even sweeter. Just Google "Real D" to find the official website. They have adpated IMAX theaters in Maryland, New York, and at the Mall of Georgia. So just about everyone I know should be able to see this film if they so wish.
Fair enough? Absolutely.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Getting a New TV
Eddie is in the process of selling some shit, so I felt inclined to use this opportunity to get an actual TV in my apartment's living room. The one currently in use is about 19 inches worth of screen and runs on the power of burning charcoal. I'm gonna admit... I'll be glad to get rid of the stink of burning wood with a TV that actually runs on good old electricity.
I told Eddie I'd pick up the TV today and pay him once our first clership check comes in. Unfortunately, being close friends and inviting Eddie to be a groomsman at my wedding doesn't create enough trust to forgo having to pay him upfront. Hahaha. It's no big deal anyway. I can fork over the 50 bucks now... must be gremlins around my apartment I haven't mugged yet.
He also offered to sell me his old X-Box for a reasonable price, but I had to pass on that one. Why? Because the chance... the possibility... dare I say, the danger that I would spend every free minute playing Halo 2 online is far too great. I can easily imagine nights with my awake until 3 am laughing as I headshot fellow players from across a map with a sniper rifle as I scream, "How does that shit feel, mother fucker?!?" into my head set microphone.
Undoubtedly, my rucus would prompt a call to the police from my neighbors in their efforts to get some sleep. Answering the knock on my apartment door, I would crazily respond to the officers with a snide, "Is a crime to pistol whip newbs to death while playing a video game? Because if it is, you best put me away for life!"
Lucikly for me, a tox-screen won't show any traces of Halo-fever. Fair enough? You bet your ass that's fair enough.
I told Eddie I'd pick up the TV today and pay him once our first clership check comes in. Unfortunately, being close friends and inviting Eddie to be a groomsman at my wedding doesn't create enough trust to forgo having to pay him upfront. Hahaha. It's no big deal anyway. I can fork over the 50 bucks now... must be gremlins around my apartment I haven't mugged yet.
He also offered to sell me his old X-Box for a reasonable price, but I had to pass on that one. Why? Because the chance... the possibility... dare I say, the danger that I would spend every free minute playing Halo 2 online is far too great. I can easily imagine nights with my awake until 3 am laughing as I headshot fellow players from across a map with a sniper rifle as I scream, "How does that shit feel, mother fucker?!?" into my head set microphone.
Undoubtedly, my rucus would prompt a call to the police from my neighbors in their efforts to get some sleep. Answering the knock on my apartment door, I would crazily respond to the officers with a snide, "Is a crime to pistol whip newbs to death while playing a video game? Because if it is, you best put me away for life!"
Lucikly for me, a tox-screen won't show any traces of Halo-fever. Fair enough? You bet your ass that's fair enough.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
New Flavors?
Random thought: how about a new flavor of Hot Pocket? It'll be the chocolate cream pie Hot Pocket. Oh yeah... that sounds tasty.
They can just market it as the Pie Pocket. Next thing y'know, there'll be Apple Pie Pockets... Rhubarb Pie Pockets... maybe even Shepard's Pie Pockets.
Hot Pockets!
They can just market it as the Pie Pocket. Next thing y'know, there'll be Apple Pie Pockets... Rhubarb Pie Pockets... maybe even Shepard's Pie Pockets.
Hot Pockets!
Monday, June 05, 2006
Because you might be wondering...
What exactly does Chris do at his summer clerkship with the public defenders office?
Oh, by the way... some of you might not have known that I actually got the clerkship, so yeah. There ya go.
But anyway, I'm a 2L clerk for the next 9 weeks (one week is already done with), which means that I won't actually get my own clients or sit second chair in a trial like a 3L clerk can. But I can still do a lot of the grunt work. So far, I've just read a trial transcript (3 days of trial and pre-trial hearings was roughly 400 pages), picked out possible issues for appeal, done research on one viable issue, and now the Assistant Public Defender I've been assigned to is looking it over. If it's any good, he might get some forms and have me draft the appeal. I'm basically picking things up as I go along... because fuck, I haven't had a criminal procedure class yet.
Nothing has been overwhelming yet, but then again, I think my lawyer is giving me some lighter stuff to get me used to how things work. My pal Eddie's in the same clerkship except that he's a 3L clerk... plus he was also doing this last summer, so he's the pro in our group now. Our APD gave him a fucking box full of trial transcript. Easily three times longer than what I had to read.
His trial sounds a bit more fun though. Even has a motion for granola bars in it. Classic.
Sidenote: In Georgia, there is a actually a formal defense known as the "some other dude done it" defense. I SHIT YOU NOT. The whole thing is pretty self-explanatory as you can see from its title, but I thought I'd just share that tidbit with ya.
In any case, I find the best part to be the suits. At first I thought that wearing suits and ties and dress pants and blazers would suck balls. Hairy balls with crotch cheese, even.
But no, wearing business attire is actually pretty cool. Just makes whatever I'm doing feel important. Sitting down reading trial transcripts? I'm wearing a God damned snazzy tie when I do that. It's obviously one hell of a transcript if they had to get someone wearing a SUIT to read it. Eating a Hot Pocket on the job? Don't bother talking to me because eating this Hot Pocket is being done on the taxpayers dime, mother fucker! People's lives are hanging in the balance as I gorge on the cheesy nastiness that is the pepperoni pocket. (insert jingle music) Hot Pockets!
Next sidenote: Kroger brand apple juice tastes like a bag full of dead ants. Don't bother buying this crap.
In other news, Kelly and Eddie finally got to meet. Fantastic? Sure. Fucktastic? Well, no one got that drunk. But we all went to this place called Eclipse di Luna near the Perimeter Mall. Shabbiness? None. The drinks were fucking excellent. I had something called a mojito (spelling might be off). Had limes, mint leaves, some sugar I think, and some light rum. Shit was off the hook. In fact, this stuff was so tasty that no hook has ever existed that was grand enough for THIS drink to fall off of. We ordered a pitcher of the stuff and ordered more as other comrads of Eddie arrived.
Sidenote: Ladies love the mojitos. Better to drink those at a party than that shitastic Kroger apple juice. I think that stuff ruined my taste buds for the rest of the night.
Oh, Paul has also aged another year... but only because I chose not to kill him yet. Even though his continued existence may have to be ended in tribute to the gods of baseball to keep them from STRIKING DOWN EVERY SINGLE PLAYER ON THE FUCKING ROSTER! Holy shazbot, there have been a lot of injuries. I think A-rod is actually underperforming just to keep himself from getting noticed by the powers above that twist ankles, break wrists, and cause back spasms while tying shoe laces.
Ah well, that's all for now, people. Hope everybody is having a safe summer. And here's a nod of respect and sympathy to Tyler, Amee, and Paul. From what I've gathered, they all recently lost a friend... one of Tyler's fellow frat brothers. Must've been a great guy to get such a reaction from those three awesome people I just listed. So rest in peace, Richie, and may your peace be eternal.
Fair enough.
Oh, by the way... some of you might not have known that I actually got the clerkship, so yeah. There ya go.
But anyway, I'm a 2L clerk for the next 9 weeks (one week is already done with), which means that I won't actually get my own clients or sit second chair in a trial like a 3L clerk can. But I can still do a lot of the grunt work. So far, I've just read a trial transcript (3 days of trial and pre-trial hearings was roughly 400 pages), picked out possible issues for appeal, done research on one viable issue, and now the Assistant Public Defender I've been assigned to is looking it over. If it's any good, he might get some forms and have me draft the appeal. I'm basically picking things up as I go along... because fuck, I haven't had a criminal procedure class yet.
Nothing has been overwhelming yet, but then again, I think my lawyer is giving me some lighter stuff to get me used to how things work. My pal Eddie's in the same clerkship except that he's a 3L clerk... plus he was also doing this last summer, so he's the pro in our group now. Our APD gave him a fucking box full of trial transcript. Easily three times longer than what I had to read.
His trial sounds a bit more fun though. Even has a motion for granola bars in it. Classic.
Sidenote: In Georgia, there is a actually a formal defense known as the "some other dude done it" defense. I SHIT YOU NOT. The whole thing is pretty self-explanatory as you can see from its title, but I thought I'd just share that tidbit with ya.
In any case, I find the best part to be the suits. At first I thought that wearing suits and ties and dress pants and blazers would suck balls. Hairy balls with crotch cheese, even.
But no, wearing business attire is actually pretty cool. Just makes whatever I'm doing feel important. Sitting down reading trial transcripts? I'm wearing a God damned snazzy tie when I do that. It's obviously one hell of a transcript if they had to get someone wearing a SUIT to read it. Eating a Hot Pocket on the job? Don't bother talking to me because eating this Hot Pocket is being done on the taxpayers dime, mother fucker! People's lives are hanging in the balance as I gorge on the cheesy nastiness that is the pepperoni pocket. (insert jingle music) Hot Pockets!
Next sidenote: Kroger brand apple juice tastes like a bag full of dead ants. Don't bother buying this crap.
In other news, Kelly and Eddie finally got to meet. Fantastic? Sure. Fucktastic? Well, no one got that drunk. But we all went to this place called Eclipse di Luna near the Perimeter Mall. Shabbiness? None. The drinks were fucking excellent. I had something called a mojito (spelling might be off). Had limes, mint leaves, some sugar I think, and some light rum. Shit was off the hook. In fact, this stuff was so tasty that no hook has ever existed that was grand enough for THIS drink to fall off of. We ordered a pitcher of the stuff and ordered more as other comrads of Eddie arrived.
Sidenote: Ladies love the mojitos. Better to drink those at a party than that shitastic Kroger apple juice. I think that stuff ruined my taste buds for the rest of the night.
Oh, Paul has also aged another year... but only because I chose not to kill him yet. Even though his continued existence may have to be ended in tribute to the gods of baseball to keep them from STRIKING DOWN EVERY SINGLE PLAYER ON THE FUCKING ROSTER! Holy shazbot, there have been a lot of injuries. I think A-rod is actually underperforming just to keep himself from getting noticed by the powers above that twist ankles, break wrists, and cause back spasms while tying shoe laces.
Ah well, that's all for now, people. Hope everybody is having a safe summer. And here's a nod of respect and sympathy to Tyler, Amee, and Paul. From what I've gathered, they all recently lost a friend... one of Tyler's fellow frat brothers. Must've been a great guy to get such a reaction from those three awesome people I just listed. So rest in peace, Richie, and may your peace be eternal.
Fair enough.
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