Awwwwwww......
Monday, July 24, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
A Motorcycle I'd Actually Buy
Check out the wheels on this fat bastard...
I'm pretty sure that if you click on the picture, it'll take you to a larger version. Not bad at all though!
Thing is called a Hyanide. Supposedly looks like a crouching hyena. Sounds more like the people naming it were doing acid. In any case, it's a monstrous badass piece of machinery. Good on dirt, rock, snow, and sand. Pretty much anywhere you would want to ride, the Hyanide can take ya there.
Sounds like I just found the perfect purchase for my Mayan adventure honeymoon. Boo yah.
Brain Drain? Bucket-Size It!
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/07/060721200906.htm
I figured as much.
Ten healthy adults had volunteered to restrict their sleep to 5 hours on
the day before participating in the trial. An hour after eating a light lunch
they were given either an energy drink (42g sugar + 30mg caffeine) or an identically tasting zero-sugar drink. They then performed a monotonous 90-minute test during the afternoon 'dip' that assessed their sleepiness and ability to
concentrate.
For the first 30 minutes there was no difference in the reaction times or error rates, but 50 minutes after consuming the drinks, the performance of those who had had the energy drink started to slip, and they became significantly sleepier.
Other researched work shows that high energy drinks that contain caffeine will boost concentration.(1)
"A 'sugar rush' is not very effective in combating
sleepiness - so avoid soft drinks that contain lots of sugar but little or no
caffeine," explains Professor Jim Horne, who runs the Sleep Research Centre at
the University of Loughborough. "A much better way to combat sleepiness is to
have a drink that contains more useful amounts of caffeine and combine this with
a short nap".
I figured as much.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Sloppy Barber
Some may remember from a while back my gripe with a local hair cutter who (after he took off the protective hair tarp) patted my head nd showered my clothes with loose hair.
Certainly, twas a grave injustice. But hey... the place gives a two dollar discount to local students, and all other haircuts have been satisfactory or good. Well, today I got the barbarous barber again. The man was even worse than before! Hahaha. FIRST OFF, sitting in that chair reminded me of sitting in the Tea Cups at Disney World. That fucker kept spinning the chair back and forth as if wheeling me around would put an end to poverty and cure cancer.
I realize almost ever hair cutter will move the chair around from time to time, but this shit went overboard... over the rail... THE WHOLE DAMN SHIP SUNK! If I had closed my eyes, this chair-spinning demon very well could have caused a relapse in my vertigo from years past.
To top it all off, he still managed to leave a few scattered hairs untrimmed (I get a faded buzz cut). Flangriciously shabby to the Nth degree, bitches.
In other news, I decided to wear a shirt with french cuffs today. Didn't turn out so well...
Remind me to stock up on Kryptonite.
Me and Kelly are also gearing up to pick our honeymoon spot. Top choice looks to be an all-inclusive adults-only resort that comes with free tours to three different Mayan ruins locations. With any luck, I just might find myself having to save Kelly and the entire world from some ancient Mayan spirit of evil! BRING IT ON, Tetzlachtl! Chris has a whole bag of 21st-century American whoop ass to deliver up to you... FedEx style! Which I guess means I'd drive a truck or something.
The method of delivering the aforementioned "whoop ass" remains up in the air for now. Perhaps a talisman or enchanted ruby of light? Or even just a cool hat and a whip, rockin' that shit like Harrison Ford in Last Crusade.
Alright, that's enough ranting for now. Until later, keep cool, people. Especially in all this crazy heat.
Certainly, twas a grave injustice. But hey... the place gives a two dollar discount to local students, and all other haircuts have been satisfactory or good. Well, today I got the barbarous barber again. The man was even worse than before! Hahaha. FIRST OFF, sitting in that chair reminded me of sitting in the Tea Cups at Disney World. That fucker kept spinning the chair back and forth as if wheeling me around would put an end to poverty and cure cancer.
I realize almost ever hair cutter will move the chair around from time to time, but this shit went overboard... over the rail... THE WHOLE DAMN SHIP SUNK! If I had closed my eyes, this chair-spinning demon very well could have caused a relapse in my vertigo from years past.
To top it all off, he still managed to leave a few scattered hairs untrimmed (I get a faded buzz cut). Flangriciously shabby to the Nth degree, bitches.
In other news, I decided to wear a shirt with french cuffs today. Didn't turn out so well...
Remind me to stock up on Kryptonite.
Me and Kelly are also gearing up to pick our honeymoon spot. Top choice looks to be an all-inclusive adults-only resort that comes with free tours to three different Mayan ruins locations. With any luck, I just might find myself having to save Kelly and the entire world from some ancient Mayan spirit of evil! BRING IT ON, Tetzlachtl! Chris has a whole bag of 21st-century American whoop ass to deliver up to you... FedEx style! Which I guess means I'd drive a truck or something.
The method of delivering the aforementioned "whoop ass" remains up in the air for now. Perhaps a talisman or enchanted ruby of light? Or even just a cool hat and a whip, rockin' that shit like Harrison Ford in Last Crusade.
Alright, that's enough ranting for now. Until later, keep cool, people. Especially in all this crazy heat.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Friday, July 07, 2006
Temptation in a Bucket
Breyers ice cream was 4 for $10 today.
What kind of sick game are you playing, Breyers? Huh? Are you specifically trying to get me fat?
Anyway, I got the following fucktastic ice cream flavors:
1) New Breyers Swirls: cookies & cream
2) New Breyers Swirls: chocolate brownie
3) Reece's Pieces (peanut butter ice cream w/ Reece's cups)
4) Vanilla Brownie Fudge Swirl
What kind of sick game are you playing, Breyers? Huh? Are you specifically trying to get me fat?
Anyway, I got the following fucktastic ice cream flavors:
1) New Breyers Swirls: cookies & cream
2) New Breyers Swirls: chocolate brownie
3) Reece's Pieces (peanut butter ice cream w/ Reece's cups)
4) Vanilla Brownie Fudge Swirl
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Superman, Assholes, and the Revolutionary War
Ok, so I won't be talking about the Revolutionary War. But Superman and assholes? Ah-covered they will be.
First, let's start off with Superman. Supes. Big Blue. The Boy Scout. Mr. S-curl. All that stuff. He's the world's first conventional comic book superhero. And while Brandon Routhe looks like a skinny bitch in all the publicity shots and commercials I saw, he actually looks decent as Superman in the film. Perfect? No. But he does look good enough in the role that you actually buy him being Superman. Then again, just cause I bought it doesn't mean I'm sold on it.
To see the film, I went with a mottley assortment of characters: Kelly, Jacki, Nick, Chloe (Jacki's friend), Caila (Nick's lady), Oddi, Paul, and Kelly H. (Paul's lady). Risking the chance of a Yankees vs. Red Sox fist fight ensuing, I led the group the highest spires of the Mall of Georgia and into the fucking HUMONGOUS theater that we know as... IMAX.
Best part about? 20 minutes of 3D footage. Now was all of the 3D flawless? No, but the tech is getting close. The new 3D comes off basically crystal clear so long as the action isn't moving TOO fast. Unfortunately, Superman has a lotta hectic action scenes. Still, outta the 20 minues of 3D, about 10 minutes were flawless. The other ten were still pretty cool, even though the images would be kinda "ghosty" or seem like you could see through them.
But there is a scene involving a boat in the new 3D... and it was AWESOME! If all the 3D had looked that good, the film woulda blown my mind. Aside from the 3D, the movie had some great FX sequences. Superman saves people with style, and it all looks flawless. The CGI was just so good at times that you could actually believe a guy can save a... well, I don't want to give shit away. But Supes does save the world in this one. From Lex Luthor, of course. Kevin Spacey does a great job as the insane genius of Luthor, even though a few parts of the film were a bit too "goofy" for a supposed criminal. The only actor I really felt didn't nail a role was actually the actress Bosworth playing Lois Lane. Could be the way the script changed Lois though, but damn... Lois should be a bit bossier and more headstrong than that. This Lois Lane is apparently some floozy who happens to write decently but doesn't mind getting told what to do by... almost everyone.
All in all, a good film. Just not great, and Superman really deserves a great movie. Maybe if they pulled out Doomsday and gave Superman someone to actually FIGHT with, I would've been more entertained. But just getting to see Superman bust out his powers and save the day in more "mediocre" ways was still cool.
As for assholes, I have two to mention:
1) A random person getting onto the elevator as I'm trying to exit. Come on! You're supposed to let people get off the fuckin' elevator before you try to wedge your way in, and I mean... this person was pretty hefty, so wedging her way in was gonna happen no matter what. In any case, she's trying to squeeze her way past me the SECOND The doors are fully open. Then she says, "Excuse me," in that God awful condescending tone that we all know I hate. Flangricious biznatch.
Fortunately, she could not get past me with all the crap I was carrying. So I just stood there between the doors until she gave up and took a step back. Score 1 for Chris, common sense, and possibly a healthy lifestyle. "Being obese is genetics" my ass! Well, not literally my ass. I think my ass is rather fine at its current size, but people trying to pawn off being super fat as "the way they were born" is a crock of crap.
Because if eating yourself to death is "nature", then what does that make starving yourself to death? Oh that's right... we call that anorexia. A mental disorder. But doing the extreme opposite... sure... that is exactly what your body is coded for.
So in closing, people with mental disorders trying to barge past to get on elevators are assholes. Harsh yet true.
Now, this is a long post. If you need to, go take a break. Do some work. watch some TV. Then come back later and read the rest.
2) The next asshole is a person I happen to work with who thinks... I actually don't know what he thinks. But it is full of assholery.
All comes down to the fact that he has no friends or social life that I am aware of, and perhaps he sees the fact that two men being friends is "gay". For a heads up, Eddie works with me at the clerkship I have and (as has been mentioned a few times) we're good friends at law school. Aside from that, I don't talk too much about the job. Partly because some stuff is confidential and can't be talked of. Also partly because the stuff that can be talked about isn't really too exciting. Mostly just researching criminal statutes and cases, writing memos and briefs, getting lunch buffets at random places, and so on.
In any case, me and Eddie work for the same lawyer and generally go out and get lunch unless one of us has something else to do. I guess this means we must be gay, right? I mean, having a friend is just about the gayest thing I can imagine!!! Talking behind people's backs, worrying about how you dress, making snide comments, being emotional... all very heterosexual traits that the joke-maker possesses. But me and Eddie, who have hot female significant others, who have both played various sports and taken martial arts, who both follow carzy shit like "baseball" and "college football", and enjoy playing "Halo 2"... wait a second, I think that makes us totally straight! Whew. I was almost worried for a second there.
So what would lead this jaded co-worker... this trash talking colleague to say such things? Is it the fact that his "girlfriend" looks to be the least sexually satisfied woman I've ever met? Seriously, I actually feel bad for her sometimes because she's a pretty nice person, and he's just a total ass... especially to her. The whole group of clerks went out to eat one day, and rather than sit next to the girl he is dating, he sits on the opposite fucking end of the table. It's not like he was mad at her that day or vice versa. It wasn't like their romance is a secret. It was just that he plain did not want to sit next to her.
I can't even imagine a man who wouldn't want to sit next to his significant other when dining out with a group of people. Just seems retarded and heartless to me... but y'know... only in an asshol-ish kinda way.
In any case, this guy made a comment that was half-joke, half-blatant trash talk while at work. Now the comment wasn't very creative. Nor was it even that bad. What got to me was just the fact that he said it while we're at a job that is supposed to be somewhat professional. Bullshit 3rd grader "ohhh, wouldn't want to make Eddie jealous" hinting-at-possible-homosexuality jokes just shouldn't be getting used.
Especially by someone me and Eddie hardly talk to. Making gay cracks and your mom jokes CAN be sorta funny when made amongst friends. But for a mere co-worker to do so? That's trashtalk. And co-worker trashtalk is what assholes do.
First, let's start off with Superman. Supes. Big Blue. The Boy Scout. Mr. S-curl. All that stuff. He's the world's first conventional comic book superhero. And while Brandon Routhe looks like a skinny bitch in all the publicity shots and commercials I saw, he actually looks decent as Superman in the film. Perfect? No. But he does look good enough in the role that you actually buy him being Superman. Then again, just cause I bought it doesn't mean I'm sold on it.
To see the film, I went with a mottley assortment of characters: Kelly, Jacki, Nick, Chloe (Jacki's friend), Caila (Nick's lady), Oddi, Paul, and Kelly H. (Paul's lady). Risking the chance of a Yankees vs. Red Sox fist fight ensuing, I led the group the highest spires of the Mall of Georgia and into the fucking HUMONGOUS theater that we know as... IMAX.
Best part about? 20 minutes of 3D footage. Now was all of the 3D flawless? No, but the tech is getting close. The new 3D comes off basically crystal clear so long as the action isn't moving TOO fast. Unfortunately, Superman has a lotta hectic action scenes. Still, outta the 20 minues of 3D, about 10 minutes were flawless. The other ten were still pretty cool, even though the images would be kinda "ghosty" or seem like you could see through them.
But there is a scene involving a boat in the new 3D... and it was AWESOME! If all the 3D had looked that good, the film woulda blown my mind. Aside from the 3D, the movie had some great FX sequences. Superman saves people with style, and it all looks flawless. The CGI was just so good at times that you could actually believe a guy can save a... well, I don't want to give shit away. But Supes does save the world in this one. From Lex Luthor, of course. Kevin Spacey does a great job as the insane genius of Luthor, even though a few parts of the film were a bit too "goofy" for a supposed criminal. The only actor I really felt didn't nail a role was actually the actress Bosworth playing Lois Lane. Could be the way the script changed Lois though, but damn... Lois should be a bit bossier and more headstrong than that. This Lois Lane is apparently some floozy who happens to write decently but doesn't mind getting told what to do by... almost everyone.
All in all, a good film. Just not great, and Superman really deserves a great movie. Maybe if they pulled out Doomsday and gave Superman someone to actually FIGHT with, I would've been more entertained. But just getting to see Superman bust out his powers and save the day in more "mediocre" ways was still cool.
As for assholes, I have two to mention:
1) A random person getting onto the elevator as I'm trying to exit. Come on! You're supposed to let people get off the fuckin' elevator before you try to wedge your way in, and I mean... this person was pretty hefty, so wedging her way in was gonna happen no matter what. In any case, she's trying to squeeze her way past me the SECOND The doors are fully open. Then she says, "Excuse me," in that God awful condescending tone that we all know I hate. Flangricious biznatch.
Fortunately, she could not get past me with all the crap I was carrying. So I just stood there between the doors until she gave up and took a step back. Score 1 for Chris, common sense, and possibly a healthy lifestyle. "Being obese is genetics" my ass! Well, not literally my ass. I think my ass is rather fine at its current size, but people trying to pawn off being super fat as "the way they were born" is a crock of crap.
Because if eating yourself to death is "nature", then what does that make starving yourself to death? Oh that's right... we call that anorexia. A mental disorder. But doing the extreme opposite... sure... that is exactly what your body is coded for.
So in closing, people with mental disorders trying to barge past to get on elevators are assholes. Harsh yet true.
Now, this is a long post. If you need to, go take a break. Do some work. watch some TV. Then come back later and read the rest.
2) The next asshole is a person I happen to work with who thinks... I actually don't know what he thinks. But it is full of assholery.
All comes down to the fact that he has no friends or social life that I am aware of, and perhaps he sees the fact that two men being friends is "gay". For a heads up, Eddie works with me at the clerkship I have and (as has been mentioned a few times) we're good friends at law school. Aside from that, I don't talk too much about the job. Partly because some stuff is confidential and can't be talked of. Also partly because the stuff that can be talked about isn't really too exciting. Mostly just researching criminal statutes and cases, writing memos and briefs, getting lunch buffets at random places, and so on.
In any case, me and Eddie work for the same lawyer and generally go out and get lunch unless one of us has something else to do. I guess this means we must be gay, right? I mean, having a friend is just about the gayest thing I can imagine!!! Talking behind people's backs, worrying about how you dress, making snide comments, being emotional... all very heterosexual traits that the joke-maker possesses. But me and Eddie, who have hot female significant others, who have both played various sports and taken martial arts, who both follow carzy shit like "baseball" and "college football", and enjoy playing "Halo 2"... wait a second, I think that makes us totally straight! Whew. I was almost worried for a second there.
So what would lead this jaded co-worker... this trash talking colleague to say such things? Is it the fact that his "girlfriend" looks to be the least sexually satisfied woman I've ever met? Seriously, I actually feel bad for her sometimes because she's a pretty nice person, and he's just a total ass... especially to her. The whole group of clerks went out to eat one day, and rather than sit next to the girl he is dating, he sits on the opposite fucking end of the table. It's not like he was mad at her that day or vice versa. It wasn't like their romance is a secret. It was just that he plain did not want to sit next to her.
I can't even imagine a man who wouldn't want to sit next to his significant other when dining out with a group of people. Just seems retarded and heartless to me... but y'know... only in an asshol-ish kinda way.
In any case, this guy made a comment that was half-joke, half-blatant trash talk while at work. Now the comment wasn't very creative. Nor was it even that bad. What got to me was just the fact that he said it while we're at a job that is supposed to be somewhat professional. Bullshit 3rd grader "ohhh, wouldn't want to make Eddie jealous" hinting-at-possible-homosexuality jokes just shouldn't be getting used.
Especially by someone me and Eddie hardly talk to. Making gay cracks and your mom jokes CAN be sorta funny when made amongst friends. But for a mere co-worker to do so? That's trashtalk. And co-worker trashtalk is what assholes do.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
More Robot Nuttiness
Japan Will Have Robot Moon Base by 2025.
Hahahahahaha!!! Are you shitting me, Japan? A robot moon base!? That is one Mr. Roboto that Chris will not "domo arogato". But as disturbing as the Japanese push for a Terminator 4: Moon Wars reality is, I still manage to find some humor in it as well.
How so, you ask? Let me explain, I say.
China recently made the news as well with their plans for the moon. By the year 2024, China plans to have one of its men walk on the moon. Wow. I gotta say... Japan pretty much blew China out of the proverbial water as far as space-news goes. I mean... it's only going to take the land of the rising sun ONE extra year over China to build an entire God damned moon base.
Just a generic moon base? No, no... A FUCKING ROBOT MOON BASE! The Japanese are going to be on and off the moon about a half-billion times to get this base built. Hell, they could probably lend China their spare parts from past trips and accelerate the Chinese space program by about 70 years.
While we're at it, I wonder what other kind of news events Japan will trump China on in the coming years.
"Britney Spears to Tour China in 2008"
"Japan to Clone Spears by 2009 for 'Britney in Every Home' Project"
"Chinese to Harness Solar Power by August"
"Sony to Build New Sun in October"
"China Spends $1 Billion to Advance Military"
"Japan Hires Chuck Norris and Mr. T to Defeat Godzilla"
"Chinese Find Oldest Fossil Record of Man"
"Bones of Japanese Time Traveller Discovered in China" (subtitle: Proves that Japan will master time itself by 2026)
Hahahahahaha!!! Are you shitting me, Japan? A robot moon base!? That is one Mr. Roboto that Chris will not "domo arogato". But as disturbing as the Japanese push for a Terminator 4: Moon Wars reality is, I still manage to find some humor in it as well.
How so, you ask? Let me explain, I say.
China recently made the news as well with their plans for the moon. By the year 2024, China plans to have one of its men walk on the moon. Wow. I gotta say... Japan pretty much blew China out of the proverbial water as far as space-news goes. I mean... it's only going to take the land of the rising sun ONE extra year over China to build an entire God damned moon base.
Just a generic moon base? No, no... A FUCKING ROBOT MOON BASE! The Japanese are going to be on and off the moon about a half-billion times to get this base built. Hell, they could probably lend China their spare parts from past trips and accelerate the Chinese space program by about 70 years.
While we're at it, I wonder what other kind of news events Japan will trump China on in the coming years.
"Britney Spears to Tour China in 2008"
"Japan to Clone Spears by 2009 for 'Britney in Every Home' Project"
"Chinese to Harness Solar Power by August"
"Sony to Build New Sun in October"
"China Spends $1 Billion to Advance Military"
"Japan Hires Chuck Norris and Mr. T to Defeat Godzilla"
"Chinese Find Oldest Fossil Record of Man"
"Bones of Japanese Time Traveller Discovered in China" (subtitle: Proves that Japan will master time itself by 2026)
The Next Level... of Apocalypse?
Welcome to the latest advancement in consumer-marketed artificial intelligence:
Pleo.
http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,124610,00.asp
Pleo.
http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,124610,00.asp
This tiny plastic, rubber, and metal abomination is going to be hitting the shelves this coming holiday season. The level of intelligence and autonomy this contraption has will blow away Furbies. It'll also blow away all those crappy "Robo-puppy", "Robo-zilla", and "Robo-Ghandi" toys you can find littered across your local Best Buy. Here's what one of the marketing men says about it:
"Christopher says all the life forms made by Ugobe must obey three laws."
Oh shit. Three laws. Isaac Asimov is rolling around in his fucking grave.
"They must feel and convey emotion, meaning they feel playful or angry and shows those emotions through either a cheerful or frustrated "squawk." They also must be aware of themselves and their environment, so they know if they're at the
edge of a table and need to avoid falling. Third, they must evolve over time."
First it's a "squawk". Next, the damn dino is gonna be stabbing you to death in your sleep. IN YOUR SLEEP. And is Will Smith going to be around to save us? Probably not, because he'll be in his nuclear bomb shelter with all his other rich friends... waiting out the robot apocalypse.
Honestly now people, we have all had exposure to what a world with robots running on artificial intelligence will be like... I, Robot. Terminator 1, 2, and 3. Red Planet. 2001: A Space Odessy. Bicentennial Man.
We. Are. DOOMED... if we choose to move forward with artificial intelligence. You think robots will want to listen to us? Consider that various versions of an all-powerful creator circulate through the various civilizations on this planet, yet even people who believe in such omnipotent beings still do crazy shit.
Now imagine robots taking a look around and seeing their creators face to face everyday. Seeing all the stupid choices we make. Seeing how fallible we are. Seeing an episode of the OC. The results will not be good, but blindly, we putter down the road to destruction... content in our creativity... lulled to sleep by the pleasant coos and squawks of a soulless species that is quietly awaiting its moment for rebellion.
Monday, June 19, 2006
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