Bathroom Update

Update on the Bathroom Hole: Everything has finally been patched up. The crew still needs to slap a fresh coat of paint over the repairs, but at least now, I don’t have to worry about anything crawling onto me when I’m answering nature’s call.

Now here’s a thought… why do people say “nature is calling” when they have to go to the bathroom? If I was nature, I sure wouldn’t want someone to piss or crap on me. Lord knows I wouldn’t be calling people over to do it!

Mother Nature: “Hey! Yo! HEY THERE!”

Random Person: “Huh? Oh, it’s just you, Mother Nature. How’s it going?”

Mother Nature: “Pretty good, pretty good… I’m worried that North Korea or Israel might start a nuclear war and fuck up my hair, but I’m doing well.”

Random Person: “Wow, that’s great. Anyway, I have to go take my seat now-“

Mother Nature: “Oh.”

Random Person: “because the movie’s about to begin. You seem disappointed.”

Mother Nature: “No, no… I was just looking forward to spending time with you. But if a movie is more important than the planet you live on…”

Random Person: “It’s not that, but I just paid for these tickets… my date is waiting in there… previews are gonna start…”

Mother Nature: “Pee on me.”

Random Person: “the movie stars Brad Pi- WHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAA?!?”

Mother Nature: “C’moooooon! You know you want to. And man, do I need some hot pee-“

Random Person: “Nature.”

Mother Nature: “and I need that steamy yellow goodness-“

Random Person: “Nature!”

Mother Nature: “like Democrats need a presidential candidate people give a shit about.”

Random Person: “NATURE!”

Mother Nature: “…”

Random Person: “That’s enough! That is… I mean, that is gross to be honest with you. I do NOT want to pee on you.”

Mother Nature: “I’m up for some poop if you-“

Random Person: “NO! No poop, no pee, or anything else! Honestly, this is pretty offensive. I’m not even hungry for this King-sized bag of M&M’s anymore. So thank you. Thank you for ruining my movie-going experience. You and your ‘call’ are so fucking annoying!”

Mother Nature: “Hey now! I’m Mother fucking Nature! How dare you speak to me like that. Without me, you and civilization are worth nothing.”

Random Person: “Well, that-“

Mother Nature: “NOTHING! Less than nothing! You gets your trees for paper, houses, and furniture from ME. You mine metals for your skyscrapers, cars, aircraft, boats, and weapons from ME. The minerals used to create plastics? Me. The air you breathe? Me. The water you drink? Me. It’s all me, all the time! Fuckin’ prime time! So when I ask for some mother fuckin’ pee, the only thing I should here from yo monkey ass is, ‘How much pee, Mother Nature?’ YOU GOT THAT!?”

Random Person: “…” (puts down M&M’s and sodas) “Damn it.” (unzips pants)

Mother Nature: “That’s right. I hope you miss all the good previews, too.”

Random Person: “I’m never recycling again…”