What a Wonderful World

The following comes from an actual case out of Ohio written by a municipal court judge in his holding:

The court hereby announces a pearl,

It's sometimes OK to have a squirrel.

The legislature did a statute create,

The Wildlife Division obviously did not equate.

The necessity to be kind, thorough and specific,

The lack of these is legally terrific.

The result is this very short epistle,

The defendent/squirrel is granted a dismissal.

God, I love our country.

Chiba Chiaki

Ever wonder what your name in Japanese would be?

http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/namegen/969/

Mine is the title for this article. It means something like "thousand feathers / fine autumn". Hmm. Something probably gets lost in the translation for that one.

Also, let me just say ARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

I turn on my radio on my drive to school this morning. I change the channel to my favorite modern rock station in Macon. In fact, it is the only modern rock station in Macon. And what befalls my unsuspecting ears? Christmas music. Yeah. Check the date on this post. It's only October 31st, people.

Halloween has just started, and Thanksgiving isn't even visible on the horizon... and yet... Christmas music. You're probably thinking, "Macon must have a shitty rock station if they play Christmas music at all, let alone this early."

Well, looks like Macon now has NO modern rock station. Yeah... some family music love-love crap station has taken over. So now my only access to rock and roll is the classic rock station, and I do like classic rock.

Still, I also like variety. MACON IS KILLING MY VARIETY! WITH CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!! They might as well just send a letter to my apartment saying, "Hey, you better get moving on stealing music off the internet because we're gonna rape your legal music selection."

My Kingdom for an Update!

First off: ROBOTS.

I keep talking about robots. I talk about ninja robots, robot pets, thinking robots, and of course robot moon bases. But nothing could have prepared my mind... nay, my very soul... for what you are about to see next.



That's right. It's a robot chair that recreates itself after destroying itself. What's the point of that? The point is that robots are fucking insane. These constructs of soulless steel, death, circuitry, and possibly more death can do anything and everything. Destroy them? Hahaha. They open their maniacal_laugh.mp3 files at us and run them in our faces at maximum volume. If a robot chair can rebuild itself, think of what full-sized robots armed with laser eyes and fire breath will be possible of.

THINK.

In other news, the kittens continue to live thanks to my heroic and extremely sexy efforts. The gray one is definitely "Smokey". The name just fits. The other two remain nameless so far, but naming them is not the greatest concern.

I'm worried about what'll happen when I go back to Marietta for winter break and the kittens are left alone out in the cold weather. Yeah, yeah... I realize this is Georgia, but this year, it actually has gotten cold early down here. Typically, winter only really starts to kick in by late November or even early December. But already in October we've had nights dip into the low to mid 30's. I may have to call animal services to pick the kittens up for their own safety.

Or eat them. Eating kittens might be against some form of "law" though, so animal services might be the way to go.

That's all for now, people. I leave with a "peace out" and a stark reminder of the horror of racial profiling.








"Son, do you know how black you were going?"

Picture of the Kittens

Here are two of the kittens I talked about earlier.



















Maybe I could name them legal terms like "De Novo" and "Quantum Meruit"...

Robocalypse: Bucket-sized

Are you joking me, scientists? Are you fucking kidding me?!?

http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn4263

Robots that know martial arts!!! How the hell am I supposed to mount a human resistence when robots try to take over? Huh? I was expecting the robots to be relatively slow yet powerful. Now they'll be powerful and have Jet Li levels of ass-kickery.

And the article says the good old Japanese could EASILY create a more nimble robot.

So what's the hold up, you ask?

They're too busy trying to give robots the ability to learn just like humans. Well, just like humans outside of the deep South at least. So expect to see genius, backflipping, ass-kicking, deathbots roaming your local grocery store in, ohhhh... let's say 15 to 20 years. If we kick their ass in round one, the robot hordes will simply retreat back to their moon base.

Maybe then we can drop a few thousand nukes on them. All your moon base are belong to us, you soul-less bastards!

The Wide World of Chris

So much to say, so much to say. First, let me say that I've been running into a small group of kittens lately. One that's all black, one that's black and white, and one that's smoky gray. They hide amongst the hedges in front of the building I live in, jumping about and frolicking merrily. Cute as hell, too. Even from a macho perspective, your heart has to melt when you see a kitten chase a butterfly. A tiny yellow butterfly. The black and white one just keep pouncing, trying to catch the sucker.

Insane cuteness. The alpha and omega of cuteness. Kelly suggested earlier that I should maybe name them. Considering they are probably gonna disappear in the near future as they age and their mother moves them, I might refrain from doing so.

Or I could just give them insanely hardcore, un-kittenlike names just for kicks. Maybe they could be Extremis, Warhammer, and Bloodfeast 2099? Just a thought, but a much nicer thought than those of all the recent school shooting. You know the world is going to hell in a handbasket when an Amish school has a shooting.

And then we have kids being hit on by Congressmen. Not safe to be a child in modern America apparently. Being rich and a political figure, he'll probably elude serious jailtime... until Chris Hansen from Dateline gets him! That child predator-catching show is too funny.

Scary to see that many men trying to molest young kids? Absolutely. Hilarious to see the aforementioned men try to nervously explain why they IMed under names like bananahammok_78, asking how long a 12-year olds dick is? PHENOMENALLY so. I mean, if you're over 20 and trying to bang little kids, your life hasn't exactly gone quite right. But getting busted on national television for the pervert you truly are? That's just so funny to me.

These guys know what they're doing is wrong yet try to do it anyway by keeping a low profile. Watching them get their cover blown and exposed to the judgment of society is probably the best punishment I could think of for them. Bravo, Dateline. Bravo. Providing entertainment and justice in 1-hour installments makes for some solid broadcasts.

In movie news, Robert Downey Jr. has picked up the role of Iron Man. I think the movie is set for the summer of 2008. Not a bad choice when you consider that Iron Man became had to fight alcoholism later in his career. Downey definitely has a deep pool of experience to dredge through if the role calls for it.

Hahaha. Booze.

...

Ah well, until next time, people. Peace out.

Quick Trip to NY

Ah, good old New York. How I have missed thee. Good thing I get to visit your glory for the better part of Saturday as I travel by way of plane the Big Apple. Five course italian meal? Don't mind if do. I love delicious food, and celebrating the 75th birthday of Kelly's grandfather only makes the trip even more fun.

Gotta watch out though. I don't want to accidentally bring any dangerous substances like chapstick or minishampoo in my carry-on bag. The first step toward stopping terrorism is the confiscation of stick of deodorant afterall. I'm just waiting for the day when a terrorist tries to strangle a stewardess with his pants, thereby ensuring that all future flights will require 100% nudity among passengers.

Of course, little kids wouldn't be allowed to travel on all-nude flights, so that's a plus.

Anyway, I leave you with an edited comic cover and bid thee farewell. I'm not sure what the cover said before someone edited it, but it seems hilarious on its own:



Until next time...

Bulldog Bucket

Wheeeeeeewwwww! That was a close call this past Saturdy as Georgia rallied in the last few minutes of their game to beat Colorado 14 to 13. Nerve-racking shit indeed. Cox was brought in during the last quarter, and the offense finally pulled itself together. The word "touch" must've been spoken by the announcers at least 20 times in the last few minutes as Cox threw accurate passes without having to unload them like the cannon arm of Stafford.

All in all, I know Stafford is gonna get criticized by the fans a bunch... but hey. He's a friggin' true freshmen people. We can see he has the raw talent, but the kid needs time to shaped and harnessed into a top college quaterback. I'm sure in two years, all of us Georgia fans will be talking about a national championship, not as a distant hope or optimistic dream... but as an extreme likelihood.

And then... me and Kelly will be selling season tickets for $60 a piece. Hahaha! Price gouging at its finest. Actually, the oil companies would be price gouging at its finest, and thank sweet merciful God that prices are finally dropping.

Don't get me wrong. Seeing the pump break $40 to fill my 13 gallon tank was definitely a fun new experience for me, but perhaps it would be best if I could save some money to spend on... oh, I don't know... food, utilities, and clothing. Especially since stuff like my brother's birthday, Christmas, and my wedding are all coming up in the next few months.

In other news, it doesn't look like all of the U.S.'s illegal immigrants will be getting a free ride to citizenship. Sorry, law breakers! Maybe we'll let you become citizens when you respect our nation and come in lawfully.

To try and stem the flow of illegal immigrants, Congress is funding a 700-mile fence-like wall to cover our 2000 miles of border with Mexico. Call me crazy, but I think that leaves 300 miles of just open terrain for people to run across. Ironically enough, we could get the extra 300 miles built without adding to our budget if we just hired illegal immigrants. Oh irony, thine bitter cup dost overflow!

Buying Toilet Paper

So today after my first class, I head over to the supermarket to get some toilet paper. That was all I needed. Some good old TP.

But it's kinda weird when ALL you need is toilet paper. Y'know? There I was, walking up to the check-out lane with nothing but an enormous... possibily gigantic... maybe even ginormous 12-pack of Scott bathroom tissue. But everyone knows it isn't really "tissue paper". And they're fairly certain you won't be blowing your nose on it. Just awkward stuff, in my opinion.

I mean, everyone needs toilet paper. Yet seeing someone walking to a register with a double-digit pack of rolls makes you think, "Man... that person has a LOT of crapping to do."

Speaking of crap, Steve Irwin (the "Crocodile Hunter") was killed by a sting ray. The dude wrestles with crocs and fucks around with poisonous snakes... and a cute little sting ray gets him? I can verify that sting rays are indeed "cute" because I saw some at the Georgia Aquarium this weekend. The damn things have smiley faces on them! God did not intend these critters to kill people.







Frankly, I think this croc knew what was coming.








And factually, I am supported on my perception of God's undeniable will. Since modern worldwide recordings began, only THREE people have died from a sting ray's attack. Three people... in almost two hundred years. And who ends up being victim #4 to the ocean's happiest residents? Steve fuckin' Irwin! The guy who made "Crickey" a household word and tried valiantly to bring ultra-short khaki shorts into style with men. It's INSANITY! Across the globe, many crocodile tears will undoubtedly be shed.

As to my trip to the aquarium, I will share more news on that later. Peace out, people all over the world... or at least the handful of friends who read this.

Hahaha... Fantastic

An alternate ending video to the ORIGINAL Superman movie. Not the new one that had that crappy Lois Lane.